With
Rocket
Singh
–Salesman
of
the
year
paying
an
ode
to
the
oiled,
over-the-top
and
dramatic
tribe
of
pushy
'Salesman" we
do
a
round-up
of
the
superstars
who
with
their
perfect
set
of
white
teeth,
flawless
skin
and
oodles
of
superstardom
have
pushed
the
poor
fashion
models
to
the
background
and
taken
the
onus
of
selling
us
products
that
we
never
thought
existed
or
wanted
either!
Crisscrossing
from
the
boundaries
of
cinema
to
television
we
had
the
man-
the
Mard
of
Bollywood
ahem!
Mr.
Amitabh
Bachchan
selling
herbal
oils,
the
possession
of
which
was
usually
frowned
upon
as
the
indulgences
of
hoi
polloi
by
the
elite
class.
But
apparently,
after
the
blessings
of
the
Sarkar
this
relatively
Lawaaris
oil
brand
was
lapped
up
in
numbers
and
occupied
the
much-coveted
space
on
the
toiletries
shelve
with
the
imported
shea
butter
creams.
And
while
we
were
still
rubbing
our
eyes
on
how
the
Big
B
can
be
all
thand
thand
coolum
coolum
amidst
the
eyesore
garish
backdrops,
he
made
us
do
a
double
take
and
left
us
Nishabd
with
promises
of
miracle
churan
to
cool
the
Toofan
of
gastric
flatulence.
Well
this
was
just
the
trickle,
the
flood
of
cinema
celebrities
on
television
has
arrived
and
how!
Taking
over
the
cheesy
brand
ambassadors,
'stars" replaced
them
with
even
oilier
smiles
and
taller
claims.
This
new
breed
of
'Star"
salesman
left
us
gaping
at
the
undue
credit
to
shady
products,
stuff
you
know
for
sure
won"t
be
around
200
feet
of
these
'stars"
under
normal
circumstances.
Feeding
a
breed
of
star-starved
nation
the
ad-man
found
the
perfect
savior
to
bail
out
a
market
fed
by
Chinese
products.
Roping
in
the
badshahs
and
shahanshah
the
average
Joe
was
short
changed
into
believing
a
complexion
makeover
of
the
sort
Michael
Jackson
had
by
none
other
than
Shahrukh
Khan.
Borrowing
catchphrases
of
eunuch
beggars,
the
'Fairness
cream
for
men" ad
had
overbearing
lines
like
'Hai
Handsome!"
where
Shahrukh
preens,
pouts
and
saves
the
day
of
a
'black
boy"
while
simultaneously
sky
rocketing
the
stock
of
the
cream
that
promises
to
blur
the
racial
divide
with
its
'imported"
ingredients.
Well
this
'Salesman"
might
have
burnt
a
hole
in
the
company"s
budget
with
his
over-the-top
endorsement
fee,
but
hey!
Who
said
the
world
is
'fair"!
And
now,
when
we
are
talking
of
fair
it
would
be
highly
unfair
to
leave
the
fair
maidens
out
of
the
'salesman
of
the
year" race.
Who
else
but
Asin
Thottumkal
could
have
coaxed
you
to
shell
out
exorbitant
sums
of
money
for
something
you
could
have
easily
picked
up
in
the
basket
sale
of
Fashion
Street.
Here
a
special
mention
goes
to
Salman
Khan
for
his
vest-ed
interest
in
Dollar
shop
stuff.
Sallu
shows
the
world
that
you
can
get
away
with
anything-
including
running
with
kids
in
a
race
and
beating
them
to
the
finish
line,
is
all
perfectly
fine,
as
long
as
you
have
the
right
brand
of
baniyan.
Moving
on
to
his
'Lady
love"…
Well
one
could
have
never
thought
that
'Lady" Katrina
Kaif
will
be
scrubbing
clean
with
a
piece
of
soap
that
was
best
left
back
at
the
store
shelve.
But
Katrina
convincingly
demonstrates
the
wonders
of
a
low-budget
soap
that
will
give
a
clear
complexion
to
a
fairly
large
family.
Waltzing
between
the
bathtub
and
jungle
Katrina
finds
the
answer
to
all
her
beauty
queries
and
in
the
process
puzzles
one
and
all
on
her
highly
questionable
choice
of
bath
soap.
Speaking
of
bathing
choices,
Kareena
Kapoor
has
nailed
it;
playing
dirty
with
chocolate
this
Kapoor
kudi
sold
the
dream
of
a
beautiful
skin
to
millions
looking
deliciously
dirty.
Who
said
soap
could
be
sold
off
only
by
playing
bubbles
in
bathtub…Kareena
proved
them
wrong
by
dunking
in
a
bar
of
dark
chocolate
soap,
which
by
the
way,
is
way
cheaper
than
an
average
bar
of
chocolate.
But
that
certainly
will
not
qualify
Bebo
for
the
salesman
of
the
year
award
as
we
yet
have
to
explore
the
potential
of
Virar
boy,
Govinda,
and
his
magical
smile,
which
was
never
put
to
adequate
use
by
the
dant
manjan
companies.
Nevertheless
Govinda
shone
bright
selling
hair
oil,
a
match
made
in
heaven
only
to
be
destroyed
by
the
Big
B.
The
guy
was
in
his
element
before
Big
B
stole
his
show
and
hair
oil.
And
for
that
Big
B
ends
up
with
the
salesman
of
the
year
award
too,
after
all,
credit
does
go
to
him
for
educating
us
on
the
power
of
a
certain
washing
detergent
that
makes
a
white
shirt
whiter-er-er-est…