Cast: Mustafa Burmawala, Kiara Advani
Director: Abbas- Mustan
Producers: Jayantilal Gada, Haresh Patel (AD
Films), Pranay Chokshi, Abbas Mustan Films Productions and Dhaval
Writer: Sanjeev Kaul
What's Yay: Beautiful locales
What's Nay: Performances, Plot, Cringeworthy
dialogues and everything else.
Popcorn Refill: Your popcorn tub is far more
satisfying than this 148 minutes of tedious watch.
Iconic Moment: Whenever a character in the film
utters a tacky dialogue, you just can't help yourself from bursting
into bouts of laughter for all the wrong reasons!
Few seconds into the film and we get treated to the lushery of
North India where we see Sarah Thapar (Kiara Advani) indulging in
some charity work at an orphanage. The next moment, the high-heeled
lady is zooming past the roads off the valleys in her car only to
get it skid over an oil spill. But for the saviour that she is, she
prevents another car from meeting a similar fate. Turns out
the man is a Prince Charming named Ransh (Mustafa) who
now only has eyes for Ms Thapar who has already occupied the
driving seat of his car while taking a lift from him to reach her
Their next meeting happens at a car racing event where both
of them are the participants. As expected, Ransh wins the race and
throws in a Baazigar moment when the leading lady asks him the
secret of his truimph. "Main break par paaon nahi rakhtaa....kyunki
mujhe maut se daar nahi lagtaa", the boy says with a straight face
and you suddenly wish that this scene never existed in the
After a sub-plot involving a creepy stalker, a
done-to-death Romeo Juliet play and filler songs with the leads
donning some color-cordinated costumes, Sarah and Ransh get
hitched. Of course, with the permission of Sarah's daddy dearest Mr
Thapar (Ronit Roy). The newly married couple go on a honeymoon trip
where they break into a romantic song. And then comes a big shocker
the next morning, when post their love confession towards each
other, Ransh tosses Sarah off the cliff of a mountain in the
most ridiculous way. (Just throw the laws of physics out of the
window at this juncture, please!)
The rest of the film unravels the mystery behind the
reason for Ransh's shocking act of crime.
It is quite disheartening to see this flick churned out from the
Abbas-Mustan stable who are known for their forte in the genre of
thrillers! Machine borrows heavily from the duo's previous works
but sadly the story is never gripping enough to keep you
hooked with its predictable twists and turns. The super cheesy
dialogues add more to your woes as you struggle to invest
yourself in this boring fest.
Illogical characters and even more illogical situations,
Machine ticks off most of the checkboxes when it comes to making a
disaster. Need we say more?
The film is Mustafa's launch pad and we really feel for you,
boy! His attempt to rescue this sinking ship just proves futile and
you simply fail to connect with his character as his acting
histronics never show up in your radar while watching the
Kaira Advani gets to don flowing gown dresses, flutter her
eyelashes and basically look pretty.
The lesser said about Eshan Shanker and Carla Dennis the better.
Ronit Roy, you definitely need a hug to help you to get over this
nonsensical ride. And yes, it pinches to see Johnny Lever
struggling to add some humour element in the film in the most
forced way possible!
You end up chuckling at the ridiculous dialogues. Most of them
seem to have drawn inspiration from the Facebook posts of some
loverlorn soul. Sample this- 'Main tumhare hothon ki lipstick toh
kharab karunga par tumhare ankhon ka kajal kabhi nahi.' and '5
minute ke liye kisi ka phone mil jaye toh uski jaat, paat, aukat
sab pata chal jaye! Another one goes like 'First love burns the
brightest'. I mean like seriously dude, it's 2017!
The only ray of sunshine in Machine are the picturesque
locations that you just want to disappear off to avoid such
cinematic disasters in the future. At a runtime of 148 minutes, the
film tests your patience of withstanding an irrational
When would Bollywood stop messing up with old songs? The
reworked version of 'Ek Chatur Naar' and 'Tu Cheez Badi Hai Mast
Mast' put you into musical coma and ruin your age old memories
associated with these classics forever! The rest of the songs are
highly forgetable and look more as fillers.
Keeping your brain, heart and other functional organs aside is
highly advisable if you EVER plan to plunge yourself in
this abyss. For those who are lucky enough to escape from its
clutches, let's just stick to Akshay Kumar- Raveena Tandon's Tu
Cheez Badi Hai Mast Mast song instead!