Cast: Mustafa Burmawala, Kiara Advani
Director: Abbas- Mustan
Producers: Jayantilal Gada, Haresh Patel (AD Films), Pranay Chokshi, Abbas Mustan Films Productions and Dhaval Jayantilal Gada
Writer: Sanjeev Kaul
What's Yay: Beautiful locales
What's Nay: Performances, Plot, Cringeworthy dialogues and everything else.
Popcorn Refill: Your popcorn tub is far more satisfying than this 148 minutes of tedious watch.
Iconic Moment: Whenever a character in the film utters a tacky dialogue, you just can't help yourself from bursting into bouts of laughter for all the wrong reasons!
Few seconds into the film and we get treated to the lushery of North India where we see Sarah Thapar (Kiara Advani) indulging in some charity work at an orphanage. The next moment, the high-heeled lady is zooming past the roads off the valleys in her car only to get it skid over an oil spill. But for the saviour that she is, she prevents another car from meeting a similar fate. Turns out the man is a Prince Charming named Ransh (Mustafa) who now only has eyes for Ms Thapar who has already occupied the driving seat of his car while taking a lift from him to reach her hostel.
Their next meeting happens at a car racing event where both of them are the participants. As expected, Ransh wins the race and throws in a Baazigar moment when the leading lady asks him the secret of his truimph. "Main break par paaon nahi rakhtaa....kyunki mujhe maut se daar nahi lagtaa", the boy says with a straight face and you suddenly wish that this scene never existed in the first place.
After a sub-plot involving a creepy stalker, a done-to-death Romeo Juliet play and filler songs with the leads donning some color-cordinated costumes, Sarah and Ransh get hitched. Of course, with the permission of Sarah's daddy dearest Mr Thapar (Ronit Roy). The newly married couple go on a honeymoon trip where they break into a romantic song. And then comes a big shocker the next morning, when post their love confession towards each other, Ransh tosses Sarah off the cliff of a mountain in the most ridiculous way. (Just throw the laws of physics out of the window at this juncture, please!)
The rest of the film unravels the mystery behind the reason for Ransh's shocking act of crime.
It is quite disheartening to see this flick churned out from the Abbas-Mustan stable who are known for their forte in the genre of thrillers! Machine borrows heavily from the duo's previous works but sadly the story is never gripping enough to keep you hooked with its predictable twists and turns. The super cheesy dialogues add more to your woes as you struggle to invest yourself in this boring fest.
Illogical characters and even more illogical situations, Machine ticks off most of the checkboxes when it comes to making a disaster. Need we say more?
The film is Mustafa's launch pad and we really feel for you, boy! His attempt to rescue this sinking ship just proves futile and you simply fail to connect with his character as his acting histronics never show up in your radar while watching the film.
Kaira Advani gets to don flowing gown dresses, flutter her eyelashes and basically look pretty.
The lesser said about Eshan Shanker and Carla Dennis the better. Ronit Roy, you definitely need a hug to help you to get over this nonsensical ride. And yes, it pinches to see Johnny Lever struggling to add some humour element in the film in the most forced way possible!
You end up chuckling at the ridiculous dialogues. Most of them seem to have drawn inspiration from the Facebook posts of some loverlorn soul. Sample this- 'Main tumhare hothon ki lipstick toh kharab karunga par tumhare ankhon ka kajal kabhi nahi.' and '5 minute ke liye kisi ka phone mil jaye toh uski jaat, paat, aukat sab pata chal jaye! Another one goes like 'First love burns the brightest'. I mean like seriously dude, it's 2017!
The only ray of sunshine in Machine are the picturesque locations that you just want to disappear off to avoid such cinematic disasters in the future. At a runtime of 148 minutes, the film tests your patience of withstanding an irrational plot.
When would Bollywood stop messing up with old songs? The reworked version of 'Ek Chatur Naar' and 'Tu Cheez Badi Hai Mast Mast' put you into musical coma and ruin your age old memories associated with these classics forever! The rest of the songs are highly forgetable and look more as fillers.
Keeping your brain, heart and other functional organs aside is highly advisable if you EVER plan to plunge yourself in this abyss. For those who are lucky enough to escape from its clutches, let's just stick to Akshay Kumar- Raveena Tandon's Tu Cheez Badi Hai Mast Mast song instead!