London, (ANI): Cheryl Cole believes she'll never find love again if she divorces love rat hubby Ashley. The 26-year-old X Factor judge reckons she may not have the four children she yearns for. "It's mad, but she feels washed up at 26," a close friend of her revealed.
"Cheryl has convinced herself she's not going to find another man. It's consuming her at the moment - and it's one of the reasons why she hasn't decided she'll definitely divorce Ashley. "She wants love in her life, but she feels there's so much pressure on her and worries about how she could ever go on a date with someone else," the pal added. While Chelsea star Ashley was surrounded by girls as he went clubbing last week for the first time since the split, Cheryl is holding back when it comes to dating again.
"She doesn't want Ashley to think she's playing games because she's made it clear she's not ready to even think about moving on," said the friend. "It's so unfair. Cheryl's done nothing wrong but Ashley goes out and is surrounded by a big group of girls while he laps up all the attention."
Cheryl has been getting through the last month by focusing on planning her future family. "It may seem strange because right now she knows she's not going to get pregnant, but she's determined she's going to have four kids. She comes from a big family and wants the same thing. "She always imagined Ashley would make a great dad - and it's hard coming to terms with the fact he's unlikely to be the father of her babies," The News of the World quoted a source as saying.