AR Rahman: 'I Thought Of Committing Suicide Many Times, Felt I Was Not Good Enough'!
The musical maestro AR Rahman revealed that he constantly used to think of committing suicide until the age of 25 because he was depressed and thought he was not good enough.
The
musical
maestro
AR
Rahman
is
one
of
the
best
composers
not
only
in
India,
but
all
across
the
world
and
his
achievements
in
the
field
of
music
is
tremendous.
He
has
composed
music
to
several
hit
movies
in
Bollywood
and
the
South
as
well.
He
even
won
the
Oscars
for
the
Original
Score
in
Danny
Boyle's
Slumdog
Millionaire
and
made
India
proud.
Despite
being
such
a
huge
success,
AR
Rahman
revealed
that
he
was
depressed
in
his
younger
days
and
thought
of
suicide
up
until
the
age
of
25,
just
because
he
felt
that
he
was
not
good
enough.
It's
shocking,
right?
Here's
what
he
said...
I
Felt
To
Commit
Suicide
Until
The
Age
Of
25
"Up
until
25,
I
used
to
think
about
suicide.
Most
of
us
feel
we
are
not
good
enough.
Because
I
lost
my
father,
there
was
this
void...
There
were
so
many
things
happening.
That
in
a
way
made
me
more
fearless.
Death
is
a
permanent
thing
for
everyone.
Since
everything
created
has
an
expiry
date,
so
why
be
afraid
of
anything?" said
AR
Rahman
to
PTI.
After
My
Father's
Death
I
Felt
Dormant,
Could
Not
Do
My
Daily
Tasks
Easily!
"Before
that,
things
were
dormant
so
may
be
it
(the
feeling)
manifested
then
because
of
my
father's
death
and
the
way
he
was
working,
I
didn't
do
many
movies.
I
got
35
movies
and
I
did
two.
Everyone
wondered
'How
are
you
going
to
survive?
You
have
everything,
grab
it.' I
was
25
then.
I
couldn't
do
that.
It's
like
eating
everything.
You
become
numb.
So
even
if
you
eat
small
meals,
make
it
fulfilling."
I
Wanted
To
Become
Another
Person,
I
Didn't
Even
Like
My
Own
Name!
"I
never
liked
my
original
name
Dileep
Kumar.
I
don't
even
know
why
I
hated
it.
I
felt
it
didn't
match
my
personality.
I
wanted
to
become
another
person.
I
felt
like
that
would
define
and
change
my
whole
(being).
I
wanted
to
get
rid
of
all
the
past
luggage."
I
Feel
Jaded
Doing
The
Same
Thing
Everyday!
"You
feel
jaded
if
you
do
the
same
thing.
You
need
to
find
different
things
to
do.
For
me
travelling,
parenting
and
spending
time
with
my
family
-
though
I
can't
do
that
much
-
is
beautiful.
It
helps
a
lot,"
he
summed
it
up
to
PTI.