EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW! Fahmaan Khan: I Believe You Can Bring Any Character Given To You Into The Limelight

'The Most Challenging Part About Playing Aryan Singh Rathore Is Expressing Something Without Getting Expressed'

Q. Just after the telecast of your introduction scene in Imlie, I recall having a casual chat with the show's director Atif Khan wherein we discussed your fight club scene. He told me that he was inspired by Guy Ritchie's Revolver whereas I felt that it was more of the lines of Robert Downey Jr's Sherlock Holmes. He also mentioned that one of the traits of your character Aryan is that he is very calculative about his moves. Now it's been more than 50 episodes since Aryan has entered the narrative. But, I still find his intentions very ambiguous. For example, I see him deleting Aditya's message on Imlie's phone. At the same time, there's this revenge track at the back of his mind and there's also this sort of saviour complex thing. So Fahmaan, when the character is not well defined yet and you have to give a restrained performance, what are the major challenges before you as an actor?

A. I think it's not that the character isn't well-defined. It's more on the fact that there's one motive to the character but along the journey, this character finds another reasons to get to that motive. See, Aryan's journey started off in the show as someone only with revenge, but he came across situations in that journey of revenge where he found other people also longing not revenge but being in trouble with the same person that he is seeking revenge from. If Aryan starts caring or even understand the other person's perspective then what happens is his understanding to that revenge becomes more intensified because of the fact that he thinks of this person not as the one who he is taking revenge from but he thinks of this person as somebody who is troubling everyone around him.

To be honest, we all know that in television, characters are not completely defined from day one. But you get to know them in the process of doing your day-to-day work and opening up each scene that you get, peeling off layers and trying to understand where its perspective is going, where each craft of a scene is going. You do that on every day basis no matter how long you play a character because it keeps changing and moving away from where it is. That's what television is and that's challenging itself on its own. It's a crazy process. No matter how long you play a character, you will still find new ways of being completely different from the person that you started being of. So, I think in the month-month and half that I have played Aryan Singh Rathore, one thing that I have been very sure of is the team that I am working with. Sometimes what happens is you cannot completely trust everything that someone says. But here, I am blindly trusting them.

Atif Sir itself is a very big person in the medium that we work in and he knows exactly what's happening in the show. Rahul is a wonderful director; he knows exactly what he wants out of a scene. Initially for the first ten days, I was bonkers. I was like, 'What the hell was happening?' It was completely new for me. Plus entering the show that's already been running for long successfully was a challenge on its own. There were always questions asked from the audience to the people I was working with at that moment or people who were watching me. In that process, I think these people really helped. I am a person who really asks a lot of questions. I need to get to the bottom of something to get to be able to play it. So, I kept asking and they kept answering very genuinely. Sometimes what happens is people don't know exactly what to answer. So they go with the flow and say, 'Yeh kar lete hai pata chal jayega aapko'. But here that wasn't the case. One thing that's very amazing about this team that I am working with right now is that everyone has an answer to your questions.

Coming back to the point you made about my character, his motive is still the same. He hasn't moved away from that but he has found something in that journey of that motive because of which he now finds that person even more distasteful. He thinks that Aditya hasn't troubled only him and his family but also troubled his own people. So what kind of a person he is and is what Aryan Singh Rathore thinks about him, I think that's what the journey is going to be ahead and that's how it started off as well.

Speaking about the challenges as an actor, the most challenging thing was expressing something without getting expressed. It all came down to tonality as an actor and how each dialogue is being told. Now as a normal human being, we don't talk like that. A normal character who is not under any kind of a grudge or intense lifestyle will talk very normally like I am speaking with you right now. I take abrupt pauses; I will think before I say something. But Aryan knows what he is saying. It's well thought of even before he is saying it. It's so quickly calculated in his head and plus time being money for him, the biggest challenge for me was to talk in that tonality where I probably had to say different paragraphs in one breath. That's one thing that I had to develop in the process. That part of it was a big challenge where without expressing I had to say a lot. I think that came down to what's tonality; how I said a certain line or with what intensity I said something to someone. This what it meant. It's a big challenge and I am loving every day of it.

'Gashmeer Is A Wonderful Actor; He Is Brilliant At What He Does'

Q. My favourite scene of yours so far is your confrontation scene with Gashmeer Mahajani; the Aryan-Aditya Kumar's confrontation scene in Bhasker Times' office. It's a clash of ideologies where Aryan is speaking from the perspective of a businessman whereas AKT is expressing his ideology as a journalist. Such scenes are very interesting because you need to have a balance of power. Both the players have to be equal. The scale cannot tilt at either of the sides. Now, Gashmeer is someone who is very much into improvisations and makes a lot of use of voice modulation and other tools as an actor. What went into making of that scene, what was your approach towards it and how was your camaraderie with him while enacting that sequence?

A. Gashmeer is a wonderful actor. You can't take away from him that he is brilliant at what he does. Like you said, the voice modulations and the way he improvises stuff like that. We didn't rehearse that scene. One thing what happened was that when we did the master, to be honest with you, I was a little nervous because it was a new show and I was not even completely into that character. It was a very important scene. But when I entered the space after action, everything just sunk in. I forgot everything; all that nervousness, that little bit of hesitation of being new character in a show. I lost all of that completely somewhere. It didn't occur to me while I was doing the scene. That was the first thing that I actually felt like Aryan Singh Rathore. It gave me one inch of direction towards that character. It happened very spontaneously.

Talking about him being spontaneous and without completely boasting, I have worked with Varun Badola who is also a completely and madly spontaneous person, Shweta Tiwari too is someone like that. So, I had something behind me for a situation like that. That didn't affect me as such. Whatever happened in that scene happened very spontaneously. That scene just panned out like that. It was not thought of or rehearsed. We came together, read the lines a couple of times and just went into the scene. There was a big help from the director on the sets. He made sure that there was balance in the scene. The balance of two characters coming together; I would give that credit completely to the director. It's very important for a director to give in small nuances that are completely hidden when you watch something. But that's what brings in that spice or flavour in a scene. That's what a director's job is, right? To bring in the complete amazing nuances that you can. That's how you differentiate good directors from bad or okay or decent ones.

I think that's what Rahul as a director does. He gives you the small nuances. That giving of nuances doesn't happen publicly. That's very personally. So when you finish the master and before the closes, he says a few things that he thought should have been there and you are like 'Oh that's right'. He must have said something to Gashmeer too; I am not sure about that. But that balance was brought by him. I loved doing that scene. That was one scene where after I came back home, I felt like I am done something productive today. I am a very cynical person; I am a bit critically about my work. I don't like most of the things that I do. I hate what I do and I come back home and sulk. I feel like I have done a bad job and I am like sh*t, what am I doing, what is this life? (laughs). I am like I thought so much of myself; all these things keep running in my head all the day. So, that's one time when I came home and it did make me feel good.

'Sumbul Surprises Me Every Day With The Way She Pulls Off The Scenes That She Does'

Q. So far, you have shot maximum of your scenes with Sumbul Touqeer Khan. I have seen her evolve as an actress in the last one year. At the age of 18, the hold that she has on her craft is commendable. Be it pulling off emotional scenes, doing action sequences or tickling your funny bone, she is a pro in all aspects. Was there any instance when she took you by surprise while either enacting a scene or off screen?

A. She does that every day. That girl is so gifted. It comes so easy to her. I work on my scenes, I see Gashmeer working on his scenes, other people on the sets working on their scenes, trying to get something out of it and figuring out what to do and what not to do. Sumbul on the other hand, reads her scenes or dialogues that are pages together once. Personally, I don't like to take my scripts on the sets because I like to do my work before I get on set and stuff like that. The moment she reads her script with us which is probably the first time, she reads the scene, keeps it aside and the next moment, she is completely so good at it. It's amazing. She surprises me every day with the way she pulls off the scenes that she does. It comes naturally to her, so effortlessly. For a 18-year old to pull something like that and give you so many emotions at once and so much understanding of those emotions! I will tell you at her age, we didn't know anything. All I knew was to play cricket. When I went to my theatre/drama practices, all I did was what I was told to do. To give out such emotions with such ease is something what she does effortless. It's commendable. She is a natural. I am learning every day from her also.

'I Don't Want To Be Loved As Fahmaan; I Want To Be Known And Liked As The Characters That I Play'

Q. When we speak about Indian television, one trend which is predominate is the shipping culture. As someone who is creatively inclined, do you feel sometimes too much of this culture takes away the attention from the story-telling aspect of a show. Secondly, one sees these fandoms or shipdoms sometimes getting into nasty wars on social media so much so that they fail to differentiate between reel and real. They fail to understand that it's the person who is portraying that character. How do you look at both these things?

A. (laughs). First of all speaking about the shipping part of it, if you are running a show or any creative substance that's going for this long or this much amount of time, with telecasts six days a week, half an hour or say 22 minutes each day, we are giving you shots every day that after a point, you as a creative person, also wants to keep developing from there and that's what even the audience that is watching wants. It's like moving from one place to another; be it the chemistry of the couple or be it the story of that couple or be it the journey of each individual in that couple. We are mostly targeting love stories, a guy and a girl coming together with different backgrounds or ideologies; all these things are what our medium of telecast is, that's what we are showing. Any kind of a show, eventually you start off with any kind of concept but you come down to this at the end of the day. So, I think the audience is also looking out for something like that. Somewhere we are moving forward, we are not stagnant at a point. It differs. Like the show I did prior to this (Apna Time Bhi Aayega), the audience would have not accepted anyone else other than Veer and Rani. Anyone in place of either Rani or Veer wouldn't have been accepted at any point with not only the audience but also the makers themselves. So, I think it's just how a journey is shown; how each one's journey is shown; how each couple's journey is shown is what makes that point a little different from the other. That's how you differentiate from how you can accept something that's completely changing or you cannot.

Also, the second thing about the audience understanding and fighting over fictional characters, I have a very distinct point to that. When I am watching something say a good movie or a good web series, even if it's like a big actor like Nawazuddin Siddiqui, when I watched him in Sacred Games, he wasn't Nawazuddin Siddiqui for me over there, he was Ganesh Gaitonde. Being the audience if that thing is running for a long time, I am watching that and having a conversation with someone else on social media/platform. I am having a conversation about Ganesh Gaitonde. I am just saying that these people are conversing about characters. At the back of their mind, they know that these are actors playing those characters. But they want to defend the character that they love. These flukes that happen on social media are all about how much each person in the fandom is inclined to that character itself because if you see, they are also tagging Fahmaan, they are also tagging Gashmeer, they are also tagging Sumbul as those characters. They are making sure that these people are tagged because they know that these people are playing those characters. That is there in the back of their minds. It's a very crazy point. I must say this is a very good question you asked. It's a very different thing. These people understand this, they are watching the show everyday. So for them, that is real. What Fahmaan is doing in his personal life is not as important as what Aryan Singh Rathore is doing. They live with that character because they are watching him on every day basis. So, they are going to fight for that character that they love. These flukes that happen on social media are all about that. They also know that these are characters being played by actors. That's also appreciated but in different ways. If you see, there are also posts where they love the fact that Fahmaan is playing ASR so well and etc and etc. All these things are also there on that platform. I think that's what it is. It's amazing; that's what an actor looks for, right? As an actor, personally me, I don't want to be loved as Fahmaan as such. I want to be known, liked and loved as the characters that I am playing. If I can do that then Fahmaan is going to be in that bargain. I am going to be liked in that bargain and I think I will take that any day.

Q. But at times, nasty things do happen on social media where real people are pulled down for the characters that they play...

A. That's another thing. See what happens is that the people who don't like a certain character; these people see that person for example say Fahmaan playing ASR, say a certain person doesn't like Aryan Singh Rathore. Now, they see Fahmaan playing Aryan Singh Rathore, honestly they don't care about Fahmaan as such because right now they hate that character he is playing. Because of that, Fahmaan is not important to them now. Aryan Singh Rathore is making a difference in their lives that they do not like. So now, obviously they will tag Fahmaan and say that they hate the character you are playing. They don't care about Fahmaan anymore at all. The only thing they care about is Aryan Singh Rathore and that's what that person doesn't like. So, they don't care about anything else at that moment. That's one thing that comes to not liking a character or fighting against a certain character. I think that's the point.

Q. What about times when people don't understand that Fahmaan is just playing a character, Sumbul is just playing a character or Gashmeer is just playing a character...

A. No, I don't think that's right. I think it's fine. Well, that's what we want from the audience. It dwells itself completely in the characters that we are playing. If they start understanding that Fahmaan is just playing ASR, they are not going to accept him as much as they accept him at this moment. And when it comes to hate, that is why I made a very strong point that when they love someone and a character, then they are appreciating both. See the difference in this. When they love someone, they are appreciating both. When they hate a certain character, there are very few posts where you will see Fahmaan being down-sided to talk about Aryan Singh Rathore. Yes, what happens is they first mention Aryan being the hated person. They don't say we hate you Fahmaan. They say we hate Aryan Singh Rathore. I think this is the difference in it. If you love a character, you are loving the person playing it, all of that is very lovey-dovey, it's like the first love that all of us had (laughs).

When it comes to hate, I will give you an example, it's like a relationship. When you are in love, you love everything about that person. When you are in good times, you love everything about that person. But when it comes down to something wrong, a small needle in the relationship that has hurt you or made it different from what it already was, only that track is on now. The rest of the good times are all forgotten. They are not important anymore. What is important is the needle. I think it's just that. I think it's fair yaa, it's fine. It's a good thing that they are so involved in those characters that they are loving and hating them. I think that's what we all as actors want.

'I Don't Want To Be Known As A Person Who Looks Good On Screen'

Q. Fahmaan, I must say your Instagram bio is very interesting. It reads, "I wake up to express my deepest emotions without going through the actual trauma of situations. Who am I? Is that also how you approach your characters, is that a hint towards your acting process?

A. Very much. To that I would say that there are a lot of different methods. There is no textbook to acting. People get into complete method acting where they are living that character in a certain way. That's a different process altogether. I would only say that Heath Ledger did it. He did that for Dark Knight. That kind of acting. Everyone has a different process. People dig into their own personal spaces to get into an emotional space; their own personal situations they have gone through so that they can remember a traumatic or an emotional or a funny situation and then go through that process and then feel that emotion to play a scene that's completely not related to that but that's the emotion that they need for that scene.

For me, I believe that I would like to go into the character's situation. If I am playing Aryan. I rewind through everything that probably he would have gone through. That Aryan has gone through in the process that I have been playing him. And this situation how would Aryan react and if I am feeling emotional at that situation...if I need to be emotional at that scene, I would feel why would Aryan Singh Rathore feel emotional at this moment and I will play it that way. So, I am actually not going through the deepest or the trauma of it, I am going through the situation of it. I am feeling the emotion. I will be completely honest about it. I feel emotion completely to the depth of it.

I have had scenes in my previous shows where I have cried for next four hours. I remember playing a scene where my character apologizes for doubting what she (heroine) has done and her integrity and stuff like that and in that scene, I am on my knees and I am asking her for forgiveness, it took me around one and a half day to recover from that scene. But that was not the space of Fahmaan going wrong; that was the space of Veer going wrong. He couldn't get out of that space, Fahmaan was fine but Veer was not. And honestly that happened only when she came back in the scene itself and she said that it's okay. So, that's what my entire process is where I feel the character's situation, I want to get into the depth of the character and feel what he would have felt in that situation and I would like to go through for that. So, I wake up to express my emotions without going through the actual trauma of the situations. That's what that is about.

Q. You know I have often had actors tell me that acting is an insecure profession because one's success depends on several factors beyond his/her control. You have had a very fascinating journey so far from the time when you made your debut on TV with Kya Kasoor Hai Amala Ka? to your current show Imlie. You have not been very keen that I will always take up the lead concept roles. You have taken whatever has come your way. Should I say that you are very secure as an actor and where does that confidence derives from? Because I am seen a few actors on TV who after playing the lead character refuse to be a second fiddle maybe out of the insecurity or fear that they might stop getting lead role offers..

A. I can't talk about anybody else. Speaking about me, I am not at all insecure. I am a person who feels that any character given to you can be brought to the limelight. It's how you bring it forth. It depends on you and how you gel into the space that you are working in. Nobody who is working in this profession wants to do a bad job; be it the director, spot men, light men or camera men. So all you have to do is to be in that moment, give yourself in that space and perform in a way that you can come out. I think touchwood, I have been able to do that in the process. I am not worried about playing only the lead and it's because of the fact that...see there's a difference. I consider Salman Khan is a star, Aamir Khan is an actor. I am not saying Aamir Khan. But that's the thought process that I come from where I want to perform as characters. I have always said this to people.

I remember one play that I was doing. I was used to do theatre when I was in Bangalore. It was in my initial stages of my play and I was about 16-17 year old. It was probably my third stage performance in my play. My first play was one hell of a play. The director of that play was my trainer when I started off doing theatre. So, I joined a theatre group and did a workshop with them where he was a trainer in that. I even did workshops with him. So, when he came and watched my second or third play, after it got over, everybody came up to me and told me that I looked good on stage and this and that. I was wearing something like a sleeveless body-hugging T-shirt. Everybody came up and told me how I looked. On the other hand, that guy just walked up to me and said, 'Next time when I watch your play, I won't talk about how you looked." That hit me. It's still stuck with me now. It's not about how I look. I don't want to be known as a person who looks good on screen. If it's there, it's given to me by my parents. I haven't done a sh*t about that. That's not on me. What's on me is how to perform and to do anything that I can do in the best possible way. What happens with people...I am not saying that I have known anybody like that or that anybody else does that. But probably it's because a hero of a show is given treatment. So when you are given treatment as a show-runner or a show hero, all they are focusing is on whether you are looking good and like a hero. Now tell me what happens when you are not given that treatment, can you still stand out? You take that as a challenge and I think I love taking up those challenges. I really like to perform. That's one thing that I want to do every day. Just go out there perform a scene in the best possible way and at the end of the day, come back home and feel nice about which is hardly there (laughs). That's very rare.

For me, as an actor who has come from nowhere and had no one, lived with about 22 people in a house when I came to Mumbai, I had seen hardly any money when I came down here. I used to see people doing really well and having a lot of money with influential family backgrounds, I didn't have any choices. I took what came my way and tried to do the best of it or I just took what came my way. That's another thing what I remember from Shah Rukh Khan. He took up everything that he came his way but then he's Shah Rukh. That's probably all I did and that's happened to me very subconsciously. I just took up everything that came my way. I have had a good journey in terms of how I worked and I am looking forward to do so much better. But there are no regrets.

I came to Mumbai for the first time at the age of 18. I stayed here for four months, met people and gave auditions. I was offered Dil Dosti Dance by Endemol. I said no to it because I didn't want to do TV. It was simply because I had came here with a mindset that I wanted to do films. They were offering me a good amount. I went back to Bangalore after two-three months of not finding anything here except for this which I thought was what I didn't wanted to do. I took the next three years out to do my graduation. In three years of that process, I understood a lot of things. I understood this place in a certain way. I learnt about Mumbai. As long as I stayed in Bangalore, I was the hero there, wahan pe sab pucchte thhe, mante thhe because you are from that hometown and they like you and know you. Everything happens the right way. But when you come to Mumbai, you realize that you are nobody. That was the first realization of being nobody when I was 17-18 and I came down here. But that process of going back home and that three years which I took to develop myself, understand things and come back with more strength of understanding is what helped me again. I think that was another part of this journey that I have had.

To give you a little more insight, when I went to Bangalore after my first visit to Mumbai, I opened a garment shop and used to sit there from 9 to 4 and then pursue graduation in an evening college. Sometimes when I had an off, I used to do real estate. All these things in those three years and building strength of being able to survive this rush happened. Mumbai is like a sea; it throws you out for the first few kilometres and then it fills you in. That's the mindset that you have to completely develop and in that process where I did my real estate, the garment shop, I learnt a little bit about money. I made some savings for the next year that I could survive in Mumbai. These are the things when you look back and say that it's been beautiful and nice. You look back and say, 'Itna sab kuch kiya hai toh uska phal aana bhi zaroori hai.'

Q. When you speak about showbiz, there's always this sword of unpredictability dangling around your neck about when you will get your next break or show, more specifically now due to the tough times that we are going through due to COVID-19. As an actor, how do you manage to swim through these thoughts because it's very taxing? But then you have to sure that once the camera rolls, you have to just forget everything and put your best foot forward.

A. I am scared every day when I am not working or when there's nothing in my hands. During the COVID situation, I was in Mumbai during these four-five months, I was in this house flabbergasted not knowing what to do and not knowing what life has in store again for me. As an actor, you are scared all the time because it's a very unpredictable world. You can't deny the fact that you are scared. I think it's like that Mountain Dew ad, 'darr ke aage jeet hai.' It's a very cliched line, I think when you are scared, there are two things that you can do. To be scared and pull back or be scared and believe. The only way to do is to do it with belief; to believe that you can make something out of something. You are not here to go back. One thing what I said when I left Bangalore for the second time was that I am not going back to Bangalore. That was one thing that was certain. I am going to die here but not go back to Bangalore. If I have to sweep the streets, I will do that. But I won't return back saying that I gave up. I can't give up now.

'My Brother Faraaz Gave Me The Truth On My Face All The Time'

Q. You have always mentioned in your interviews that your late brother Faraaz Khan has played a very substantial role in your life. Was he the kind who used to guide you through your way or was he like 'No Fahmaan, you go and make your mistakes and learn from it.' What was your equation with him like?

A. He wasn't the one who guided me. He never did. He was brutal and completely honest. Everything that he said slapped you on your face the right way. He gave me the truth which helped me. As a kid, you want to be an actor and all you are looking at is this glamour and fame, lot of money and cars and girls. He gave me the truth on my face all the time. He told me that you are going to be the most loneliness person on earth being an actor, you are going to be alone all the time. You are going to be surrounded by lot of people but you are going to be alone which is so true because you don't have time. Even when you have the time, you don't have time. I haven't visited my house in the last three years now. I have gone only when there has been traumatic situations like the passing away of my brother and my uncle. There's not going home; there's going to a traumatic situation. I went home only when my brother and uncle passed away. Every time I finish a show or job or while I was doing a job, there was this thought that once this finishes, I will go home. But I was caught. This has been happening with me for the past three years. My friends had been partying in my house from December 29 to January 3. I have gone to work in the morning and came back in the evening. Even when I am at home, like for example, I packed up early today, I could do a million things at this moment. But I came home quietly because I wanted some time for myself. There's so much rush that's happening every day. After meeting so many people and being around them, I would rather be completely alone and not do anything. Sometimes you should just sit down, stare at the wall and be as blank as you can. I have my cats; you should just de-stress. Acting can emotionally consume you. It leaves you restless if you have done something a certain way where you think that you could have done better and you don't have any other option of doing it better the other day. All these things take a lot of time of your emotional state. What people talk about switching on and off, they talk about these de-stress process. The only way you can switch off is being just being and not thinking which is very hard to do.

'I Believe In The Process Of Taking One Step At A Time'

Q. Did you never feel like following your brother's footsteps and dabble with films? Did that thought ever cross your mind?

A. I do and it's not only because of what he said. I will tell one thing, Faraaz came in as a star. Fareb was a super-duper hit at that time. I remembered Shah Rukh Khan's film had released around the same time and had turned out to be flop. At its time, Fareb was a brilliant film. He came with a bang and that's the life he lived always. He always said that if he isn't a star, he doesn't want to be in the industry. That brought him in the way it did and it also took him away in the way it did. He left because of that. He was done with it. He came, he did what he had to do, felt nice about whatever he did and he left. My process is very different. I took whatever I could from him but for me, it's not about being the star. Yes, movies is always going to be the bigger dream. You always want to get there. But I believe in the process of taking one step at a time. There's going to be a time when I am going to focus on that as well. But when that time comes, it will tell me by itself. I am not going to think about it. It's going to happen on its own. Everything that has happened to me in my process till now has been organically. The only thing that is happening from my side is being honest to what I am doing. I am going to be honest. I am going to be very genuine about what I am doing and the rest what is going to happen will happen organically. I am going to take it up as organically as possible. If given a chance, I am not going to let it go. All I had to do as an actor, a person and Fahmaan is to grab the opportunities that I am getting and obviously work on something that I need to get.

Q. Lastly Fahmaan, ten years from now, where you do see yourself?

A. It's too far long. You don't ask me even about ten days (laughs). That's one thing that I can't answer. Long time goals? I don't know what I will do ten days from now. I am wading through the day. Today is what it is for me. I am not a tomorrow person at all. Tomorrow when I wake up, I might have a different feeling. This is honestly what happens with me. I wake up every day feeling different emotions and I go with it. I let it happen to me. A lot of people talk about how they feel and how they want to get out of it. I believe that when you are feeling a certain emotion, you are supposed to let it happen to you. You have to feel it. There's no person who is getting out of it. You will go through the emotions, it will subdue, slowly move away and you will come into the next. You will move away from it. The more you fight it, the more time it will take. Be it any emotions like being happy, sad or restless, upset or confused, it's going to take its process. I think you should gracefully let it happen to you. When I really feel sad or heartbroken, this is how I look at it and I can feel my heart go 'sh*t dhak-dhak'..beating like it's going to break worst. But as a brain, I understand and allow it to happen. I cry and I feel sad. When I am happy, I completely feel happy and laugh my guts out. It's process and you have to let it happen to you. If you allow it to happen, only then the next process will enter into your life. So for me, it's very organic. I don't plan my life. I don't even plan ten days from now. It's work for me until now and I hope it does till forever long I live. If it doesn't work then I will see what I will have to do (laughs).